"In the good old days, you could masturbate in your car without being interrupted. But since the advent of cell phones you can never really be “not here right now.” You are always here. So this has, in effect, turned the phone from a convenience to a giant homing device. We’re left to grope for excuses (“no reception,” “it was on silent,” “forgot the phone in my car”). Lies!* We’re all sitting somewhere with our phone next to us so that when Michael Jackson dies we get the CNN alert. You know what, I did hear the phone ring. I’m freaking attached to it. I just decided not to answer. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love my phone. I incessantly check my email, peruse Facebook, and refresh my stock quotes. I just don’t want to talk to you.
Friend, this is why texting was invented. We don’t have to talk about what time we’re meeting for dinner tonight. You write, “8pm?” and I write back, “Sure.” Plans made. Instead, you want to have a conversation about it with all the boring pleasantries…”